Love is the most undefined word of them all. Different for
everyone, depending on expectations, situations, people and the environment we grow
up in. I could bore you with all the scientific details...and I will; I will
try to make it as painless as possible, if not hopeful. Science is pretty clear
(SCIENCE IS THE EVIL THAT RUINS THE BEAUTY OF LOVE, relax, it doesn't ruin
everything if not anything). Here are the key points:
Being in love stimulates the part of the brain responsible
for:
1. Dopamine levels (the feel good hormone)
2. Wanting
3. Motivation
4. Focus
5. Craving
Falling in love triggers the same brain activity as
cocaine. *Enter sarcastic tone* Oh, the
drug relation, how unorthodox *end*. The driving force of this feeling though has a raw reason for it's existence. Nature intends to make us fall in
love. The expansion and continuation of our race is why "falling in love" exists in the first place.
This is not the purpose of this post though. It is Emotions
vs Logic. Well we are in good fortune, because it is both. To be able to
understand the root of all suffering, which is breaking up, we need to
understand what the hell happens in our brain. By doing that we can change the
perception of how we view break ups, and why we react the way we do when it
happens. This gives us the power to somewhat control those emotions, and our
brain runs through that process. Every break up afterwards is then easier. The
thought process goes through the emotional stages faster and gets out of them
as fast. This is evident in things that involve fear as well. When someone
bungee jumps for the first time, the feeling is not the same as bungee jumping
for the 10th time. This is because we learn what to expect, and what the
process is for that specific act and the brain reacts according to that data.
Thus realising what the root of all emotions we go through is, is the first
step of making it easier if it happens again.
When breaking up, all the feelings we experience with
falling in love enhance. I know, screw that right? We become OCD positive, and
we are willing to take big risks to be with that person. Even if it means
losing big, meaning breaking up again. That is why most relapses in
relationships (going back) do not work out.
We are egoistic bastards as well. Down to the bone of us,
ego drives our lives. Even when we do something good and we ask nothing in
return, we know that act will make us feel good, that is still ego. I found the
hard way with personal choices, that the battle with ego is hard to win. Simply
because we are the enemy. When we break up, this battle enhances, we can’t
grasp why someone would leave us. Our self-value drops, we feel unappreciated
and we become pessimistic. All these are causes for obsessive behaviour and
unrealistic view of the situation.
My personal experience, not only with myself but people
around me has taught me a few things. The people who find break ups more
difficult than most are those who think being in a relationship as the ultimate
goal in their lives. People with low self-value/low self-esteem also tend to go
back to relationships, mainly because the first person to give them the much
needed boost is the ex. Also some people
cannot live alone for a long time, so jumping from one relationship to another
makes total sense, again because they seek validation through relationships. What
I aim to present here is that people do bad things and make wrong decisions not
because they are bad people but because they do not understand themselves as
much, or the cause of their actions and emotions. Lying to ourselves is a real
problem, especially when it comes to admitting we were wrong. That is why many
times we do as much as possible to make us feel relieved, like we are not in
the wrong. I’ve been there, I’ve done
that, Loved
and Lost remember?
Think about it. How does the brain react to that situation?
Why all those positive feelings turn to bad? How can this change? What might be
the possible answers to the problem? Blaming us or the other person or hoping they
will come back help? Let me give you a breather, take it all in, let you think
for yourselves a bit, and I will do the research and get back to you as soon as
possible.
Food for thought:
The articles:
Ted Talks:
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